A Return to Honor

I was born and raised, for the most part, in central Illinois in a family still closely tied to its Southern roots. Drummed into us from birth was the Southern code of honor, which was bound to God, family and community -- in that order. An integral part of that honor was manners.

By manners, I don't mean merely knowing which fork to use first at a formal dinner or refraining from burping in public. For my parents and grandparents, manners were a daily extension of the Golden Rule: You respect others if you want them to respect you. Manners were the rules of society that helped us disagree without being disagreeable, as my father, the "country parson," is fond of saying. By exercising manners, we learned accountability -- to ourselves and to others.

Somewhere along the line, we have forgotten our manners. Young people refuse to offer their seats to the elderly. Children tear through stores, knocking into people with no apology -- and no parent scolding them. Students swear at their teachers. Service workers have no clue what "service" means.

What is even sadder is the demise of public discourse. Gone are the great orators who honored their word. Today's public forum is filled, instead, with noisy political hackers who joke about the statutory rape of Gov. Palin's daughter. Or who think it's OK to call Michelle Obama's ancestors gorillas -- so long as it's done in jest. Such lack of self-restraint demeans the person who says such things as well as the community that encourages it.

Today when there are so many serious problems facing our nation, we need people who can intelligently address the issues -- courteously, respectfully and maturely. And, given that Republicans are the minority party, we're going to have to work twice as hard to demonstrate that we have the ideas, and the temperament, necessary to lead our country away from the edge of the abyss.

Love, Honor and Trust

Years ago when I was at Moody Bible Institute, I had a young pastoral student say that all men, including strong Christians, fantasized about other women. That's just the way men are. They can't help it.

"You don't know my father," I told him. "My dad fantasizes only about my mother."

The young man smiled smugly. "That's what he says. But he's just like any other man."

"Like I said, you don't know my father," I insisted as I walked away, letting him continue to justify his own thoughts by thinking all men shared his problem.

Since then, I've heard that lame argument a lot -- in conversations, magazines, politics, even from the pulpit. It is an argument that makes man no better than an animal. It provides an excuse for men to cheat, mentally or physically. It is an argument that degrades men when they live down to it.

Each time I've heard a married man reminisce about his conquests, seen him oggle a pretty woman or watched him flirt, I've thanked God that I have been blessed with a father who truly knows how to love and honor his wife. As a young woman, I hoped and prayed that some day I would have a husband who would love me the same way, a husband I could trust -- with my life and my love. God answered that prayer.

Happy anniversary, Job. And, Dad, happy birthday. I love you both.