Have you seen the new Snuggie for dogs? Arf! That is one fashion statement I will not be making on the campaign trail -- even if it were available in red.
It's bad enough that our Snuggie government is trying to sell us its imported, one-size-fits-all, 100 percent totally adulterated synthetic approach to education, health care and environmental policy.
The price? Don't worry about it. The government has an easy-to-pay installment plan that you can pass on to your children and your children's children. And if you act now, you'll also get a deflated dollar and higher taxes. Of course, they won't be called taxes. That would be breaking a promise.
The fine print? Congress isn't reading it, so why should you?
So, no worries. Just sit back and let your Snuggie government trap you -- er, wrap you -- in its voluminous fleece.
I'm Joey. I'm running for Congress. And I approved this sarcasm.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Joey’s Take: Sticking Up for the Middle Class
UPDATE: Fisker, the company that got more than half a billion dollars to build luxury hybrid cars thanks to Al Gore's backing, has decided to make the cars at a shuttered GM plant in Delaware, Vice President Biden's state. (This company must have a thing for vice presidents.) The plan now is to produce 75,000-100,000 cars a year, beginning in 2012, that will sell for about $40,000 after federal tax credits. More than half the cars are expected to be sold in Europe. The company is letting the union tell it who it can hire at the plant, according to an AP story.
Bo Obama left his mark on Air Force One last week. I hear he created quite a stink.
If I’m elected to Congress, I pledge to leave my mark in the Capitol on behalf of the middle class. And I’m ready to clean up the stink that’s piling up in Congress.
It’s time somebody stood up for the middle class, which seems to be the bankroll our government is counting on to fund everything from healthcare to the escalating interest on our ballooning national debt. It is the middle class that gets hit by every new tax – gas taxes, income taxes, property taxes, service taxes, FICA, inheritance taxes, capital gains taxes. You name it – if it’s a tax, it’s going to slap the middle class. Why? Because the wealthiest (I’m talking million- and billionaires) have the loopholes, and the poor are always on the receiving end.
What our elected officials don’t understand is that the middle class is comprised of the movers and shakers of our communities. We are the security experts, the policemen, the firefighters, the accountants, the teachers, the small business owners, the workers who keep our country functioning.
We are the ones who will invest in green technology, who will pay to make our houses energy efficient, who will buy gas-sipping cars, who will invest in education, who will seek out American-made products, who will invent better widgets, who will support dog rescue programs and other charities. In other words, we are the backbone of the nation’s economy. That is, if the government allows us to keep the money we earn. (Yes, I may be a dog, but I am every inch a middle-class dog.)
Unfortunately, our “leaders” think they know best when it comes to spending our money. Like “loaning” more than half a billion middle-class tax dollars to a tiny car company Al Gore has invested in. According to the Wall Street Journal, this company will use the money to manufacture hydrogen-fueled cars in FINLAND that will sell for about $90,000 each.
And while our leaders were being generous with our money, they “loaned” nearly $470 million to another small automaker to make electric cars in the UK that will sell for $109,000 each.
So what will the middle class get for our money? Jobs for workers in other countries. And cars that we can’t afford. Since only a relatively few cars will be sold at those prices, we will see no impact on climate change, and the companies will probably never be profitable enough to pay us back.
If you ask me, these deals stink far worse than the little pile Bo left on Air Force One.
I’m Joey. I want to clean up Congress. And I approved this message.
Bo Obama left his mark on Air Force One last week. I hear he created quite a stink.
If I’m elected to Congress, I pledge to leave my mark in the Capitol on behalf of the middle class. And I’m ready to clean up the stink that’s piling up in Congress.
It’s time somebody stood up for the middle class, which seems to be the bankroll our government is counting on to fund everything from healthcare to the escalating interest on our ballooning national debt. It is the middle class that gets hit by every new tax – gas taxes, income taxes, property taxes, service taxes, FICA, inheritance taxes, capital gains taxes. You name it – if it’s a tax, it’s going to slap the middle class. Why? Because the wealthiest (I’m talking million- and billionaires) have the loopholes, and the poor are always on the receiving end.
What our elected officials don’t understand is that the middle class is comprised of the movers and shakers of our communities. We are the security experts, the policemen, the firefighters, the accountants, the teachers, the small business owners, the workers who keep our country functioning.
We are the ones who will invest in green technology, who will pay to make our houses energy efficient, who will buy gas-sipping cars, who will invest in education, who will seek out American-made products, who will invent better widgets, who will support dog rescue programs and other charities. In other words, we are the backbone of the nation’s economy. That is, if the government allows us to keep the money we earn. (Yes, I may be a dog, but I am every inch a middle-class dog.)
Unfortunately, our “leaders” think they know best when it comes to spending our money. Like “loaning” more than half a billion middle-class tax dollars to a tiny car company Al Gore has invested in. According to the Wall Street Journal, this company will use the money to manufacture hydrogen-fueled cars in FINLAND that will sell for about $90,000 each.
And while our leaders were being generous with our money, they “loaned” nearly $470 million to another small automaker to make electric cars in the UK that will sell for $109,000 each.
So what will the middle class get for our money? Jobs for workers in other countries. And cars that we can’t afford. Since only a relatively few cars will be sold at those prices, we will see no impact on climate change, and the companies will probably never be profitable enough to pay us back.
If you ask me, these deals stink far worse than the little pile Bo left on Air Force One.
I’m Joey. I want to clean up Congress. And I approved this message.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Joey’s Take: Turn the Water On
For centuries, my ancestors earned their livelihood on the fishing boats of Portugal. So I know the value and economic importance of fishing. I also know the value of water. So when I take my seat in Congress, I will introduce legislation to ensure that the government never again engages in the desertification of once-productive U.S. farmland.
Although we scream about practices that have led to desertification in Africa, our government is intentionally promoting the desertification of the fields and orchards of much of California by locking up the water for the survival of the tiny Delta smelt. The only value of the Delta smelt is as food for bigger fish. But the value of the land we’re turning into a desert can be measured in jobs, families, communities – and enough food to feed nations.
The culprit of this environmental catastrophe is the Endangered Species Act. Like many other well-intentioned government interventions, this act provides a one-size-fits-all solution to environmental issues that ignores all other concerns. I’m all for keeping the doghouse clean, but we can’t live – or govern – in a vacuum. Life is about balance.
It’s time to bring balance back to our government policies. And it’s time to turn the water back on in California.
Yes, I’m a water dog, and I approved this message. Vote Joey for Congress.
Although we scream about practices that have led to desertification in Africa, our government is intentionally promoting the desertification of the fields and orchards of much of California by locking up the water for the survival of the tiny Delta smelt. The only value of the Delta smelt is as food for bigger fish. But the value of the land we’re turning into a desert can be measured in jobs, families, communities – and enough food to feed nations.
The culprit of this environmental catastrophe is the Endangered Species Act. Like many other well-intentioned government interventions, this act provides a one-size-fits-all solution to environmental issues that ignores all other concerns. I’m all for keeping the doghouse clean, but we can’t live – or govern – in a vacuum. Life is about balance.
It’s time to bring balance back to our government policies. And it’s time to turn the water back on in California.
Yes, I’m a water dog, and I approved this message. Vote Joey for Congress.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Joey’s Take: The Dog Park
We’ve got a lot of problems facing our country right now. One of the biggest is the insane partisanship that’s ripping us apart. My years of experience as playground police at the dog park make me uniquely qualified to handle this situation. If the bullies in Congress – regardless of their party affiliation – get out of hand, I’ll be right there nipping at their heels until they get back to business in a civil manner. If that doesn’t work, I’m great at body slamming the pit bulls and rolling the little yelpers.
Speaking of the dog park. … I’ve noticed that what works in the neighborhood dog park doesn’t play so well on the Capitol Mall. Can you imagine 100 dogs, of every size and breed imaginable, running unleashed and out of control on the Mall? (OK, we’ve got that pretty much in the Senate!) Seriously, that many dogs chasing sticks, Frisbees, tennis balls and each other outside the confines of a dog park would create traffic jams, lead to some dog-bites-man non-news for the 24-7 news frenzy and result in a few dead Snoopys and Rovers. What works on a small scale usually doesn’t work on a national scale – whether you’re talking unleashed animals, health care or education.
The reason is accountability. In most neighborhood dog parks, the dogs get to know each other, and they’re accompanied by people who get to know each other. The end result is the people and the dogs begin to look out for each other. That doesn’t happen on a national scale populated by faceless masses and manipulated statistics.
Hillary (Clinton, that is) got it half right when she said it takes a village to raise a child. But when she “introduced” that African concept to the U.S., she mistranslated the word village. In most African countries, a village is simply a cluster of people united by kinship – and, thus, accountability and responsibility. In other words, it takes a FAMILY to raise a child, or care for their elderly, or tend to the sick within their midst, or look after the destitute among them. But in Hillary’s mind, village is translated as government, removing the need for personal accountability and responsibility.
As your representative in Congress, I’ll demand civility and do everything I can to remove the government from the village.
I’m Joey. I’m running for Congress. And I approved this message.
Speaking of the dog park. … I’ve noticed that what works in the neighborhood dog park doesn’t play so well on the Capitol Mall. Can you imagine 100 dogs, of every size and breed imaginable, running unleashed and out of control on the Mall? (OK, we’ve got that pretty much in the Senate!) Seriously, that many dogs chasing sticks, Frisbees, tennis balls and each other outside the confines of a dog park would create traffic jams, lead to some dog-bites-man non-news for the 24-7 news frenzy and result in a few dead Snoopys and Rovers. What works on a small scale usually doesn’t work on a national scale – whether you’re talking unleashed animals, health care or education.
The reason is accountability. In most neighborhood dog parks, the dogs get to know each other, and they’re accompanied by people who get to know each other. The end result is the people and the dogs begin to look out for each other. That doesn’t happen on a national scale populated by faceless masses and manipulated statistics.
Hillary (Clinton, that is) got it half right when she said it takes a village to raise a child. But when she “introduced” that African concept to the U.S., she mistranslated the word village. In most African countries, a village is simply a cluster of people united by kinship – and, thus, accountability and responsibility. In other words, it takes a FAMILY to raise a child, or care for their elderly, or tend to the sick within their midst, or look after the destitute among them. But in Hillary’s mind, village is translated as government, removing the need for personal accountability and responsibility.
As your representative in Congress, I’ll demand civility and do everything I can to remove the government from the village.
I’m Joey. I’m running for Congress. And I approved this message.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Joey’s Take: Keeping It Real
I have to apologize for going silent for the past two weeks. My campaign computer was attacked big time by viruses. If I were paranoid, I would blame it on a vast left-wing conspiracy aimed at shutting me up. But I’m a reasonable dog, so I’ll try not to buy into all the conspiracy theories. Instead, I’ll focus on real issues that matter to real people in the real world.
On the eve of the president’s speech to schoolchildren, a few media outlets trotted out Oprah’s list, prepared for the inauguration, of how children can serve their president. Funny, I thought it was his job to serve us. But I’m just a dog. What do I know?
It did get me thinking about how the role of a public servant has changed. The time was when we had citizens serving in a part-time Congress and then going home to take care of business. Now, we have professional politicians who position themselves as leaders, not servants. Yet, ironically, we have a woeful dearth of leadership in federal government.
So here’s a revolutionary thought: My campaign will be based on service – not leadership. If I’m elected, I pledge to:
On the eve of the president’s speech to schoolchildren, a few media outlets trotted out Oprah’s list, prepared for the inauguration, of how children can serve their president. Funny, I thought it was his job to serve us. But I’m just a dog. What do I know?
It did get me thinking about how the role of a public servant has changed. The time was when we had citizens serving in a part-time Congress and then going home to take care of business. Now, we have professional politicians who position themselves as leaders, not servants. Yet, ironically, we have a woeful dearth of leadership in federal government.
So here’s a revolutionary thought: My campaign will be based on service – not leadership. If I’m elected, I pledge to:
- Be a servant, not a leader.
- Keep my paw out of your pocket and keep special interest paws out of my pockets.
- Make congressional pay merit pay. Senators and congressmen and -women who don’t show up for work, read the bills they vote for or live by the laws they pass shouldn’t get paid.
- Tie congressional salaries to the economy. If there’s no COLA for Social Security or government workers, there should be no pay raise for the servants in Congress. Period.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Joey's Take: Legacy of a Portie Lover
My condolences go out to Splash, Sunny and Cappy on the death of their companion, Sen. Edward Kennedy. Not only was the senator family, he opened some pretty important doors – including the one to the Oval Office – to the three Porties. Because of his sponsorship, they were firsthand witnesses to many moments of history.
The trio were trusted advisers and an integral part of the senator’s staff. He relied on them to break the ice, size up political nominees facing Senate confirmation, lower the stress levels in committee meetings, rearrange the landscaping and, most importantly, build bridges with the opposition. Kennedy was so impressed with the intelligence, abilities and loyalty of the Porties that he arranged for Splash to write a book and another Portie to become the first dog.
The Kennedy Porties, once as common a presence on Capitol Hill as the senator himself, have been absent for many months as they devoted their time to comforting him in the last short chapter of his life. Judging from media accounts, they have been sorely missed. They had a knack for letting staff know when a meeting had gone on too long and for keeping the inflated egos of Congress in check. Kennedy recognized their influence and encouraged it.
In opening doors for his dogs, Kennedy created opportunities for all Porties. So even though I disagreed with him on many issues, I’m the first to admit that the senator – and Splash, Sunny and Cappy – are the inspiration behind my congressional campaign.
Rest in peace, Senator, and may Splash, Sunny and Cappy be comforted as they mourn the death of a true friend and beloved family member.
The trio were trusted advisers and an integral part of the senator’s staff. He relied on them to break the ice, size up political nominees facing Senate confirmation, lower the stress levels in committee meetings, rearrange the landscaping and, most importantly, build bridges with the opposition. Kennedy was so impressed with the intelligence, abilities and loyalty of the Porties that he arranged for Splash to write a book and another Portie to become the first dog.
The Kennedy Porties, once as common a presence on Capitol Hill as the senator himself, have been absent for many months as they devoted their time to comforting him in the last short chapter of his life. Judging from media accounts, they have been sorely missed. They had a knack for letting staff know when a meeting had gone on too long and for keeping the inflated egos of Congress in check. Kennedy recognized their influence and encouraged it.
In opening doors for his dogs, Kennedy created opportunities for all Porties. So even though I disagreed with him on many issues, I’m the first to admit that the senator – and Splash, Sunny and Cappy – are the inspiration behind my congressional campaign.
Rest in peace, Senator, and may Splash, Sunny and Cappy be comforted as they mourn the death of a true friend and beloved family member.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Joey's Take: No Catch & Release Here
Sorry 'bout the late post. This running for Congress can sure eat into a dog's time. While I've been hard at it, "Bobama" is chillin' in Martha's Vineyard where they've welcomed him with T-shirts proclaiming him the "new dog in town." Excuse me while I roll my eyes.
I don't want to sound like I've been eating sour grapes, but I don't want all my would-be constituents to taint me with Bo's pampered lifestyle. Remember, I'm a red-blooded working dog. You won't catch me vacationing in Martha's Vineyard a) because I can't afford it and b) I wouldn't be welcome amongst all those bluebloods.
Enough vacation talk. There are some real issues facing our nation. No, I'm not talking Cash for Clunkers, the economy or even healthcare. One of the biggest issues confronting our country remains security. Arf! Remember 911? Now, don't let the liberals tell you I'm just trying to scare you into voting for me. That's just their PC way of saying that anyone who doesn't vote for them is a) stupid, b) easily swayed, c) ignorant of the "real" issues, and d) part of that angry, out-of-control, town hall mob.
But even the president and his minions are sweating the security scene a bit now that Scotland -- an ally?! -- has implemented a catch-and-release policy when it comes to terrorists. In a letter to Scotland's government this weekend, FBI Director Robert Mueller said its release of the Lockerbie bomber would give comfort to terrorists all over the world. "Your action," he wrote, "makes a mockery of the grief of the families who lost their own on December 21, 1988." (Source: Daily News)
Despite our public show of outrage and the wagging of fingers at the hero's welcome Abdelbeset Ali Mohmed al Megrahi received when he arrived in Libya last week, Eric Holder -- with the president's blessing -- is instituting his own be-nice-to-terrorist fishing policy. Today, he announced that he's opening an investigation into the interrogation techniques the CIA used on the men behind the 911 and USS Cole attacks. From now on, the FBI -- not the CIA -- will do terrorist interrogations, and they promise to be really, really, REALLY nice while asking questions. (Source: CNN)
Holder's announcement not only will give comfort to the terrorists of the world -- it will have them dancing in the streets. And, to paraphrase the FBI's Mueller, it makes a mockery of the families who lost loved ones on the USS Cole in 2000 and in the attack on the U.S. Sept. 11, 2001.
If this kind of wrong-headedness continues to win the day, security will be issue No. 1 by time the elections come around next year.
I wish I were just trying to scare you into voting for me.
I don't want to sound like I've been eating sour grapes, but I don't want all my would-be constituents to taint me with Bo's pampered lifestyle. Remember, I'm a red-blooded working dog. You won't catch me vacationing in Martha's Vineyard a) because I can't afford it and b) I wouldn't be welcome amongst all those bluebloods.
Enough vacation talk. There are some real issues facing our nation. No, I'm not talking Cash for Clunkers, the economy or even healthcare. One of the biggest issues confronting our country remains security. Arf! Remember 911? Now, don't let the liberals tell you I'm just trying to scare you into voting for me. That's just their PC way of saying that anyone who doesn't vote for them is a) stupid, b) easily swayed, c) ignorant of the "real" issues, and d) part of that angry, out-of-control, town hall mob.
But even the president and his minions are sweating the security scene a bit now that Scotland -- an ally?! -- has implemented a catch-and-release policy when it comes to terrorists. In a letter to Scotland's government this weekend, FBI Director Robert Mueller said its release of the Lockerbie bomber would give comfort to terrorists all over the world. "Your action," he wrote, "makes a mockery of the grief of the families who lost their own on December 21, 1988." (Source: Daily News)
Despite our public show of outrage and the wagging of fingers at the hero's welcome Abdelbeset Ali Mohmed al Megrahi received when he arrived in Libya last week, Eric Holder -- with the president's blessing -- is instituting his own be-nice-to-terrorist fishing policy. Today, he announced that he's opening an investigation into the interrogation techniques the CIA used on the men behind the 911 and USS Cole attacks. From now on, the FBI -- not the CIA -- will do terrorist interrogations, and they promise to be really, really, REALLY nice while asking questions. (Source: CNN)
Holder's announcement not only will give comfort to the terrorists of the world -- it will have them dancing in the streets. And, to paraphrase the FBI's Mueller, it makes a mockery of the families who lost loved ones on the USS Cole in 2000 and in the attack on the U.S. Sept. 11, 2001.
If this kind of wrong-headedness continues to win the day, security will be issue No. 1 by time the elections come around next year.
I wish I were just trying to scare you into voting for me.
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