My condolences go out to Splash, Sunny and Cappy on the death of their companion, Sen. Edward Kennedy. Not only was the senator family, he opened some pretty important doors – including the one to the Oval Office – to the three Porties. Because of his sponsorship, they were firsthand witnesses to many moments of history.
The trio were trusted advisers and an integral part of the senator’s staff. He relied on them to break the ice, size up political nominees facing Senate confirmation, lower the stress levels in committee meetings, rearrange the landscaping and, most importantly, build bridges with the opposition. Kennedy was so impressed with the intelligence, abilities and loyalty of the Porties that he arranged for Splash to write a book and another Portie to become the first dog.
The Kennedy Porties, once as common a presence on Capitol Hill as the senator himself, have been absent for many months as they devoted their time to comforting him in the last short chapter of his life. Judging from media accounts, they have been sorely missed. They had a knack for letting staff know when a meeting had gone on too long and for keeping the inflated egos of Congress in check. Kennedy recognized their influence and encouraged it.
In opening doors for his dogs, Kennedy created opportunities for all Porties. So even though I disagreed with him on many issues, I’m the first to admit that the senator – and Splash, Sunny and Cappy – are the inspiration behind my congressional campaign.
Rest in peace, Senator, and may Splash, Sunny and Cappy be comforted as they mourn the death of a true friend and beloved family member.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
Joey's Take: No Catch & Release Here
Sorry 'bout the late post. This running for Congress can sure eat into a dog's time. While I've been hard at it, "Bobama" is chillin' in Martha's Vineyard where they've welcomed him with T-shirts proclaiming him the "new dog in town." Excuse me while I roll my eyes.
I don't want to sound like I've been eating sour grapes, but I don't want all my would-be constituents to taint me with Bo's pampered lifestyle. Remember, I'm a red-blooded working dog. You won't catch me vacationing in Martha's Vineyard a) because I can't afford it and b) I wouldn't be welcome amongst all those bluebloods.
Enough vacation talk. There are some real issues facing our nation. No, I'm not talking Cash for Clunkers, the economy or even healthcare. One of the biggest issues confronting our country remains security. Arf! Remember 911? Now, don't let the liberals tell you I'm just trying to scare you into voting for me. That's just their PC way of saying that anyone who doesn't vote for them is a) stupid, b) easily swayed, c) ignorant of the "real" issues, and d) part of that angry, out-of-control, town hall mob.
But even the president and his minions are sweating the security scene a bit now that Scotland -- an ally?! -- has implemented a catch-and-release policy when it comes to terrorists. In a letter to Scotland's government this weekend, FBI Director Robert Mueller said its release of the Lockerbie bomber would give comfort to terrorists all over the world. "Your action," he wrote, "makes a mockery of the grief of the families who lost their own on December 21, 1988." (Source: Daily News)
Despite our public show of outrage and the wagging of fingers at the hero's welcome Abdelbeset Ali Mohmed al Megrahi received when he arrived in Libya last week, Eric Holder -- with the president's blessing -- is instituting his own be-nice-to-terrorist fishing policy. Today, he announced that he's opening an investigation into the interrogation techniques the CIA used on the men behind the 911 and USS Cole attacks. From now on, the FBI -- not the CIA -- will do terrorist interrogations, and they promise to be really, really, REALLY nice while asking questions. (Source: CNN)
Holder's announcement not only will give comfort to the terrorists of the world -- it will have them dancing in the streets. And, to paraphrase the FBI's Mueller, it makes a mockery of the families who lost loved ones on the USS Cole in 2000 and in the attack on the U.S. Sept. 11, 2001.
If this kind of wrong-headedness continues to win the day, security will be issue No. 1 by time the elections come around next year.
I wish I were just trying to scare you into voting for me.
I don't want to sound like I've been eating sour grapes, but I don't want all my would-be constituents to taint me with Bo's pampered lifestyle. Remember, I'm a red-blooded working dog. You won't catch me vacationing in Martha's Vineyard a) because I can't afford it and b) I wouldn't be welcome amongst all those bluebloods.
Enough vacation talk. There are some real issues facing our nation. No, I'm not talking Cash for Clunkers, the economy or even healthcare. One of the biggest issues confronting our country remains security. Arf! Remember 911? Now, don't let the liberals tell you I'm just trying to scare you into voting for me. That's just their PC way of saying that anyone who doesn't vote for them is a) stupid, b) easily swayed, c) ignorant of the "real" issues, and d) part of that angry, out-of-control, town hall mob.
But even the president and his minions are sweating the security scene a bit now that Scotland -- an ally?! -- has implemented a catch-and-release policy when it comes to terrorists. In a letter to Scotland's government this weekend, FBI Director Robert Mueller said its release of the Lockerbie bomber would give comfort to terrorists all over the world. "Your action," he wrote, "makes a mockery of the grief of the families who lost their own on December 21, 1988." (Source: Daily News)
Despite our public show of outrage and the wagging of fingers at the hero's welcome Abdelbeset Ali Mohmed al Megrahi received when he arrived in Libya last week, Eric Holder -- with the president's blessing -- is instituting his own be-nice-to-terrorist fishing policy. Today, he announced that he's opening an investigation into the interrogation techniques the CIA used on the men behind the 911 and USS Cole attacks. From now on, the FBI -- not the CIA -- will do terrorist interrogations, and they promise to be really, really, REALLY nice while asking questions. (Source: CNN)
Holder's announcement not only will give comfort to the terrorists of the world -- it will have them dancing in the streets. And, to paraphrase the FBI's Mueller, it makes a mockery of the families who lost loved ones on the USS Cole in 2000 and in the attack on the U.S. Sept. 11, 2001.
If this kind of wrong-headedness continues to win the day, security will be issue No. 1 by time the elections come around next year.
I wish I were just trying to scare you into voting for me.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Joey's Take: Yes, I Am Qualified
You know, running for Congress is tough enough without people questioning the most basic qualifications. So, before any "Birther" movement begins to pick up steam against my candidacy, I figured I'd better lay out my qualifications.
First, the requirements.
According to the Constitution, representatives must be at least 25, have been a U.S. citizen for at least seven years and be a resident of the state they are elected to represent. In case you're wondering how Hillary pulled off New York, representatives or senators just have to meet these requirements before they're sworn into office. So Hillary was able to move to New York after she was elected but before she took office.
My qualifications.
I was born in southern Missouri, which makes me a natural born U.S. citizen. In fact, despite my Portuguese heritage, my ancestors have been in the U.S. for several generations, and I have lived here my entire life.
Yes, there is documentation. And, no, it isn't forged. However, I don't have it because I'm adopted. Yes, I have my adoption papers, and they're not forged either. But let me point out that since the Constitution does not require representatives or senators to be natural-born citizens, I'm under no obligation to produce a birth certificate.
I am 35 years old, in dog years. Hey, it qualifies. Yes, there was an article last week that said dogs were pretty much comparable to 2-year-olds. I guess that means I'll fit in just fine in Congress.
While I have residency in Virginia, I don't want to run from this state. I think our local rep is doing a good job. That means I'm still hunting for a state. Arf, the election isn't until November 2010, so I've got plenty of time to shop for a district to represent.
As for other qualifications, I am home-schooled, celibate and scandal-free. I don't fly around in private jets, let other people buy me expensive gifts or meals, or own stock in any corporations.
I have had years of experience in home security, which should translate well into homeland security. And for the past two years, I have been working at a company that deals with healthcare regulatory issues. I've also had some experience with wildlife management issues.
This experience, coupled with my take-charge attitude and my rock-star personality, make me the total congressional package.
First, the requirements.
According to the Constitution, representatives must be at least 25, have been a U.S. citizen for at least seven years and be a resident of the state they are elected to represent. In case you're wondering how Hillary pulled off New York, representatives or senators just have to meet these requirements before they're sworn into office. So Hillary was able to move to New York after she was elected but before she took office.
My qualifications.
I was born in southern Missouri, which makes me a natural born U.S. citizen. In fact, despite my Portuguese heritage, my ancestors have been in the U.S. for several generations, and I have lived here my entire life.
Yes, there is documentation. And, no, it isn't forged. However, I don't have it because I'm adopted. Yes, I have my adoption papers, and they're not forged either. But let me point out that since the Constitution does not require representatives or senators to be natural-born citizens, I'm under no obligation to produce a birth certificate.
I am 35 years old, in dog years. Hey, it qualifies. Yes, there was an article last week that said dogs were pretty much comparable to 2-year-olds. I guess that means I'll fit in just fine in Congress.
While I have residency in Virginia, I don't want to run from this state. I think our local rep is doing a good job. That means I'm still hunting for a state. Arf, the election isn't until November 2010, so I've got plenty of time to shop for a district to represent.
As for other qualifications, I am home-schooled, celibate and scandal-free. I don't fly around in private jets, let other people buy me expensive gifts or meals, or own stock in any corporations.
I have had years of experience in home security, which should translate well into homeland security. And for the past two years, I have been working at a company that deals with healthcare regulatory issues. I've also had some experience with wildlife management issues.
This experience, coupled with my take-charge attitude and my rock-star personality, make me the total congressional package.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Joey's Take: On the Campaign Trail
The most common reaction I get when people find out I'm running for Congress is: "But you're a dog."
My response: "And your point is?"
"You can't read. How could you intelligently vote on legislation you haven't read?" they ask.
I inform my critics that, first of all, "intelligence" and "Congress" have nothing to do with each other and, secondly, far too many representatives and senators vote for legislation they haven't read. For that matter, the president doesn't read most of the bills he signs.
I also play to my biggest strength in reminding the naysayers that America voted for change in 2008 -- and it's still looking for it. The election of a dog to Congress would really shake up Washington. Think about it. Lobbyists would be at a loss of how to deal with me. They couldn't wine and dine me or treat me to fancy vacations at exotic golf courses. (You wouldn't want to see me loose on a green.)
I definitely wouldn't be one of the Beltway Boys. If my colleagues -- or the president, for that matter -- tried any paw-twisting with me, I'd probably bite them. I can see the headlines now: "Congressional Dog Bites Pelosi!"
Another benefit to electing me to Congress is that there wouldn't even be a scent of scandal. I don't drink, smoke, gamble, shoplift, own stock, or chase men or women -- at least not in a sexual way. I'm also already House-broken.
Yes, I'm Joey. I'm a dog. And I'm running for Congress. Vote for me if you want real change in Washington.
My response: "And your point is?"
"You can't read. How could you intelligently vote on legislation you haven't read?" they ask.
I inform my critics that, first of all, "intelligence" and "Congress" have nothing to do with each other and, secondly, far too many representatives and senators vote for legislation they haven't read. For that matter, the president doesn't read most of the bills he signs.
I also play to my biggest strength in reminding the naysayers that America voted for change in 2008 -- and it's still looking for it. The election of a dog to Congress would really shake up Washington. Think about it. Lobbyists would be at a loss of how to deal with me. They couldn't wine and dine me or treat me to fancy vacations at exotic golf courses. (You wouldn't want to see me loose on a green.)
I definitely wouldn't be one of the Beltway Boys. If my colleagues -- or the president, for that matter -- tried any paw-twisting with me, I'd probably bite them. I can see the headlines now: "Congressional Dog Bites Pelosi!"
Another benefit to electing me to Congress is that there wouldn't even be a scent of scandal. I don't drink, smoke, gamble, shoplift, own stock, or chase men or women -- at least not in a sexual way. I'm also already House-broken.
Yes, I'm Joey. I'm a dog. And I'm running for Congress. Vote for me if you want real change in Washington.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Joey’s Take: My Qualifications
In my quest for Congress, I’ve been advised by a few people to run for dogcatcher first so I can get some experience dealing with wayward animals. I thoughtfully considered that advice – for a full 60 seconds – and then shook my head. My country needs me now.
When you really think about it, experience is way overrated. It’s only an issue when a long-eared incumbent wags it in front of a menacing young whelp coming on a bit too strong in the campaign. All first-time candidates have to run on something other than experience. Arf!
In the past, it’s often been family ties – they have a parent, sibling or spouse who is/was a politician. It gives them great name recognition. That’s one thing I don’t have going for me – unless I point out the Portie connection with Bo Obama. But except for a few covers on books at pet stores, he’s keeping a low profile, so his tail isn’t going to help me much.
Fortunately for me, today what seems to matter most is personal narrative – combined with a charismatic personality and a rock-star ego. I’ve got an abundance of all three. Oh, and even though I’m a private sort of guy, I will show my birth certificate to Lou Dobbs and any conspiracy theorists out there to prove that I’m a native son despite my Portuguese pedigree.
As far as a campaign platform, my experience is that promises and platitudes go a lot further in polls than detailed planks and plans. Taking a firm, unambiguous stance on the issues only seems to matter to the extreme left or right. Since I’m still learning my left from my right, I’m very much a middle-of-the-road kind of dog. While that can be dangerous in heavy traffic, it tends to be a safe place in politics.
When you really think about it, experience is way overrated. It’s only an issue when a long-eared incumbent wags it in front of a menacing young whelp coming on a bit too strong in the campaign. All first-time candidates have to run on something other than experience. Arf!
In the past, it’s often been family ties – they have a parent, sibling or spouse who is/was a politician. It gives them great name recognition. That’s one thing I don’t have going for me – unless I point out the Portie connection with Bo Obama. But except for a few covers on books at pet stores, he’s keeping a low profile, so his tail isn’t going to help me much.
Fortunately for me, today what seems to matter most is personal narrative – combined with a charismatic personality and a rock-star ego. I’ve got an abundance of all three. Oh, and even though I’m a private sort of guy, I will show my birth certificate to Lou Dobbs and any conspiracy theorists out there to prove that I’m a native son despite my Portuguese pedigree.
As far as a campaign platform, my experience is that promises and platitudes go a lot further in polls than detailed planks and plans. Taking a firm, unambiguous stance on the issues only seems to matter to the extreme left or right. Since I’m still learning my left from my right, I’m very much a middle-of-the-road kind of dog. While that can be dangerous in heavy traffic, it tends to be a safe place in politics.
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