In my quest for Congress, I’ve been advised by a few people to run for dogcatcher first so I can get some experience dealing with wayward animals. I thoughtfully considered that advice – for a full 60 seconds – and then shook my head. My country needs me now.
When you really think about it, experience is way overrated. It’s only an issue when a long-eared incumbent wags it in front of a menacing young whelp coming on a bit too strong in the campaign. All first-time candidates have to run on something other than experience. Arf!
In the past, it’s often been family ties – they have a parent, sibling or spouse who is/was a politician. It gives them great name recognition. That’s one thing I don’t have going for me – unless I point out the Portie connection with Bo Obama. But except for a few covers on books at pet stores, he’s keeping a low profile, so his tail isn’t going to help me much.
Fortunately for me, today what seems to matter most is personal narrative – combined with a charismatic personality and a rock-star ego. I’ve got an abundance of all three. Oh, and even though I’m a private sort of guy, I will show my birth certificate to Lou Dobbs and any conspiracy theorists out there to prove that I’m a native son despite my Portuguese pedigree.
As far as a campaign platform, my experience is that promises and platitudes go a lot further in polls than detailed planks and plans. Taking a firm, unambiguous stance on the issues only seems to matter to the extreme left or right. Since I’m still learning my left from my right, I’m very much a middle-of-the-road kind of dog. While that can be dangerous in heavy traffic, it tends to be a safe place in politics.
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